The transition back into the academic world continues to be a challenge. So it turns out, 10 years, 2 children, a husband, and you know… LIFE… definitely makes this a whole lot different than being an undergraduate student. I constantly feel like I’m behind and like somehow my mental capacity has shrunk. Last week especially I was super stressed out and struggled a lot with self-doubt. I had 3 quizzes, a test, and an all day workshop on professional boundaries. I ended up getting through it all and actually did fairly well on all of my exams. (I’m sure that’s not shock to others, but I really felt like I was about to fail something.)
I talked to Roger about how crazy stressed I was and he told me I’m doing great and the only way he would be disappointed is if I gave up and quit. That helped a lot. I continue to be so appreciative of how supportive he is.
Then I had my big “God Moment”… that moment where I felt like I was getting a big old – “Quit Being Stupid!” message thrown in my face. Friday morning before my preaching class began a fellow student, who I have been secretly envious of because she is single and seems to always be super well rested, on top of school, and like she knows what is going on, came into class and told me she was so stressed out and felt like she was behind on everything and I’m doing this with a family and way less time to study, etc… yet have it all together and how do I do it, other than the fact that I’m Wonder Woman.
I just laughed and told her I most definitely DO NOT have it all together. I am NOT Wonder Woman and actually am sometimes envious of her.
It made me realize that although I feel alone at times, I’m not. I am part of a community of equally stressed out people. We have all been called to this place at this time and make up a beautiful, amazing, frazzled, sleep-deprived, Body of Christ who lift up and support one another. I am so grateful for each and every person here.